Mados is a species of fish, a virtual name inherited from when I created the blog years ago planning to use it to share underwater photos from snorkelling. I still love water, but my blog is not at all about fish*.
After its failed underwater photography mission, my blog went through different phases: workplace sociology, virtual freelance work skills development, entrepreneurship. Most were brief fads because I wasn’t genuinely interested in them, but invented them as utility justifications for writing a blog, when I really felt I ought to adult up and spend my time more usefully, like: find a job or freelance work.
More than anything, I’ve tried to use it as a tool to obtain skills or knowledge which I could be useful to try to solve my chronic employment/income problems. For a long time its purpose was to motivate myself to learn and practice skills that would empower me to work freelance online, such as:
- Acquire knowledge about how to start and run a small business
- Motivate myself to undertake freelance jobs, and make them more interesting by making them into analytical process studies or therapy
- Improve my English Writing Skills
- and force myself to put my head around extremely boring useful concepts like:
(I’ve long ago deleted the few posts I managed to write about the above shown types of topics, because I felt they sounded stilted and fake. Same with some of my early general business posts)
It was not a bad strategy. I did learn things about freelance work, improved my English writing skills (I think) and cured myself of Telephobia, but didn’t manage to build the fundament for succeeding as self-employed: motivation for writing product marketing content, superficial bulk articles, and other sellable freelancer services. Utility just isn’t a powerful enough engine for me.
Initially when I wrote about self-employment, I carefully filtered out my mental challenges. I either didn’t write anything personal at all, or I kept it superficial, jovial, mentioning only aspects that I thought were “business relevant”. My mental situation peaked out indirectly through my general employment situation and the challenges I was trying to work on (the reason I needed the utility focus), but otherwise my mental reality was largely muted in my writing; too weird to name, to nameless to describe.